The news of pregnancy should fill our hearts with warmth and excitement, yet instead so many women become overridden with anxiety about what other people might say regarding their news. I want to highlight just how prejudiced people can be towards a ‘young’ mum, casting a shadow over the most incredible gift that she may experience with their judgmental opinions (Gross, 2010). Two children later and I’m yet to comprehend the negativity that is drawn upon adults in their late teens/ early twenties when they decide to have children.. Do people really believe a baby should be considered a burden and not a blessing?

‘You have ruined your life,’ ‘how will you cope?’ ‘You haven’t a clue about being responsible’…these are just a few of the over-used, unsympathetic responses that parents-to-be receive when people consider them ‘too young.’ I long for the day that somebody forwards a valid argument proving that age determines capability. I mean, who decides what age is the acceptable age to create a family? after all age is just a number, right? I’ve met people in their 30s with a stable lifestyle who are petrified at the thought of starting a family due to the disruption it would cause to their lifestyles. I’ve met people in their late teens who long for a cause in life, that need a significant change to spark their drive and focus. Personally, I don’t see an issue with ANY age; the only people who know best are those in the situation at that moment in time. If it doesn’t affect us personally then who are we to decide whether somebody else can handle parenthood? If a young couple wish to start a family-why not? Having children inspired me to start university whilst running my own business and also working part time, before motherhood I worked a minimum wage job floating about trying to grasp what I wanted to pursue in life- my children opened up a better future for me.

‘Young’ parents have always existed, up until the last 20 years or so it was deemed normal for couples to have children while they were young. Despite the UK’s average mothers age at her first birth to have reached a peak of 30.5 years old as of 2017 (Gosh, 2019), there still seems to be a continuous uproar of people claiming ‘young’ parents are a thing of modern society. The media has a profound effect on people’s perceptions and attitudes towards young mums; countless tabloids and news articles highlight the fall of young parents rather than the success. This is a key example of social learning theory; by attending to the information they read from their preferred newspapers, readers retain (memorise) and reproduce a stereotype to motivate their opinions towards other young mums; i.e. the stereotype that young people are not mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with raising a child. However, if we look back into our grandparent’s lifestyles the majority of them married young, started families and held down a stable home all by the time they reached their early twenties. Parenthood prepares you for the most challenging life situations, you learn how to run a home and care for a dependent, the majority of us have no option but to ‘grow up’ despite our age. In 9 months you can learn a lot about yourself, you realise how amazing your body is, you can see yourself grow as a person both mentally and physically (…quite a lot!)

At 19 years old I didn’t have my own home, I hadn’t ever been responsible for anybody else and I’d barely put a meal together unless it was microwaveable. The hostile whispers of people who didn’t respect my happiness soon overcame me. When you hear negative you begin to feel negative; showing conformity towards the majority due to the pressure of the social expectations that you will fail (Mcleod, 2016). In other words; you begin to give in to the pressure and start thinking/acting in the way that you believe other people expect you to..in this case wondering whether you are capable enough. How will we cope? We aren’t responsible for ourselves never mind a child- have we ruined three lives in one? Is it fair to make a woman carrying her first child feel an overwhelming sense of panic? A woman that is preparing to change her whole life already bares a heavy weight on her back, without the ignorance of others leaving her questioning her own capability.

Responsibilities… a simple word with a severe amount of scaremongering. We all have that inner child running frantic around our minds at the thought of growing up. Most of us have parents that want to protect us in a bubble without giving us that independence to adapt simple life skills. Why is it so difficult for us to change our mind set? Responsibility is good. Being independent helps an individual grow, becoming a parent brings with it responsibilities that spark the territorial instinct within us. It can transform our desire to act recklessly on nights out into sheer determination to provide and protect for our young. This is a clear example of drive theory- the primary drives steer us to provide for our children, whilst the secondary drives motivate us to prove our capability of motherhood to outsiders (Shrestha, 2017). Without such responsibility, people don’t always have the momentum in life to motivate them to succeed. When you have an individual relying on you for survival you learn to become selfless and the very best version of yourself…responsibility doesn’t always break a person; it really can make a person too.

I am a parent that received backlash from what should have been a milestone moment. I am a parent that has proven having children early has given me patience, unconditional love and nothing but pure motivation. I am a parent that transformed the hostility into determination to prove them wrong. I am a parent with no doubt in my mind that my children have the very best that I could offer, including a young cool mum.

All of these thoughts have led me to question why?

– Why do people find younger parents such an issue?

– Why is there such a negative stigma around young mums?

– Why do people assume a younger age means less capability?

– Why aren’t young mums given the same excitable responses as older mums?

I would love to hear your own thoughts on this taboo subject. Feel free to comment below

Referencing Guide

Ghosh, K. (2019). Birth Characteristics In England And Wales. Retrieved from https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/bulletins/birthcharacteristicsinenglandandwales/2017

Gross, R. (2010). Psychology: The science of mind and behaviour (6^thedition). Dubai: Hodder Education.

Mcleod, S. (2016). What Is Conformity? Retrieved from https://www.simplypsychology.org/conformity.html

Shrestha, P. (2017). Drive Reduction Theory. Retrieved from https://www.psychestudy.com/general/motivation-emotion/drive-reduction-theory.

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